Need
by Tsuki no Talia
Summary: I need your hands on my skin. Save me from drowning, save me from drowning. I need your lips on my mouth. Keep me breathing, keep me breathing. LeviHan Hurt/Comfort.


_.need._

I need your _hands_ on my _skin._ Save me from drowning, save me from drowning.

I need your _lips _on my _mouth. _Keep me breathing, keep me breathing,

.

_Need._

There is no _want_ about it.

They _want_ a lot of things, they _need_ each other.

Skin on skin. Heat to ease the chill inside. No words, none at all. Just raw emotion.

It was supposed to be a onetime thing. Hanji had read about it. Eases tension, relaxes the body. Channels all of your pent up aggression into something else.

-And it's not like they had planned it. No, never in a million years. It just kind of happened. They'd been arguing, probably. In his office, maybe? It's all really blur. All they really know is that it happened and that it continues to happen.

After every mission, after every _death_, or failure or loss.

Their hands are rough. Blistered, hardened, scarred. Harder against each other. They push and pull and yank. They ravage the skin. Leaving scratches and scars and little blood trails and bruises along the base of their pale necks.

_Need._

But then, when did need become more than just muted passion? More than animal instinct? More than sex?

When did a whimper become something out of emotional pain rather than physical pleasure? When did "_I need you,"_ become _hold me_? When did sex become _help me_ and a kiss _save me_ and a caress _love me love me love me._

_I need love. _

"Don't be a baby." Levi sits on the edge of her bed, shirtless and tired. He rubs his eyes sleepily. "Get over it, it was just a nightmare."

"More like night terror." Hanji whispers. And luckily she can speak Levi, so she understands that his words aren't exactly meant to be hurtful. She wraps her arms around her legs, staring at his outline in the dark. His shoulders hunch over and Hanji wants to reach out and feel his muscles ripple against her palms. "-You were there y'know. We were all there...and this time we were _inside_ the walls instead of out."

Levi rubs his knuckles against his head. Hanji has this strange notion that Levi wants to know everything that transpires in her dreams, as if he doesn't already see close to the same things every night.

Hanji bites her lip, "-M-_Mike_ was there too. And it started out so _beautifully, _Levi, I felt this warmth in my stomach that I haven't felt in _years_, but then-" Hanji breaks off and all the hope is gone from her voice. It quivers and then breaks, "And then..."

"Hanji," Levi raises his head from his palms, looking over his shoulder only to see her hunched figure in the shadows.

"-No, I need to finish." She takes a shuddering breath and wipes shaking fingers against her eyes. "We were all laughing and then a giant shadow came over us. We didn't even have our gear...we couldn't even move. And it just reached down and..."

"Hanji." Levi says louder, he turns his head and glares at her, even if he knows she can't see how intense his eyes are in the dark of her bedroom.

"Let me finish!" Hanji speaks over him, breath coming out and quick gasps as if she is reliving the moment. She can see the hand closing in on her over and over, even in the dark. She can feel it crushing her lungs. "I-it grabbed Mike first and the blood-"

Levi squeezes his eyes shut.

"And then it reached down and grabbed you-" She can't _breathe_, she can't breathe. She's not quite sure how to work her lungs or her mouth or her nose.

Levi sighs deeply through his nose as if he is annoyed and climbs onto her bed next to her. "Hanji," He grabs her hands, and not to gently, and pulls them away from her eyes. "Stop doing this to yourself." He squeezes her wrists with each word. Her legs flatten against the bed and Levi straddles her thighs, his knees pressing into the mattress. He gives her wrists one last squeeze before moving her hair out of her face in one of his more gentle moments. "Look at me."

He can feel her thinner body under his, responding to his words. She looks up, her eyes shining with fear. Then she closes her them and leans her sweaty forehead on his shoulder.

"You don't have to shit yourself. I'm here, shitty glasses."

"I know," Her breathing evens out, "I need you."

"Duh." He confirms, lifting her chin. He presses his mouth to hers harshly, ignoring her surprised squeak she issues a second later. Despite that, she curls her fingers into his hair and smiles into it.

.

I need your_ lips _on my _mouth_. Keep me breathing, keep me breathing.

_._

"God_damn." _

Levi hates to sleep, but he thinks he hates waking up in this place even more. He looks over at Hanji, sleeping peacefully in his bed as she had been all night. Levi turns away from her and places two feet on the cold ground. He shakes his head as he tries to rid himself of these terrible thoughts.

His eyes slowly adjust and he stands up slowly, trying to get himself to calm down. If only Petra's dead eyes hadn't show up in his dreams every five minutes, he'd be able to sleep. If only he hadn't seen their dead bodies, their faces in shock, their blood dripping. If only he hadn't had to speak with her father, his mother, their lovers. If only he hadn't seen their dead bodies. If only he hadn't seen their dead bodies.

The corporal feels nauseous. It's not necessarily new; for some reason, whenever he has dreams of his old team, he wants to puke. Levi swallows and makes six quick steps towards the toilet.

He vomits. He breathes. He vomits again, and again, and again.

"Pathetic." Anger swells in his chest and spreads through his veins filled with heat, pulsing inside of him.

How dare he be so weak? It's so unbelievably pathetic. Levi spits in the toilet and strips off his shirt, suddenly very warm. He wipes his sweaty palms against black boxers and stares at his barely visible reflection in the mirror. Levi glares at his seemingly permanent frown, watching the light fade from his own eyes and be replaced with anger. He blinks and feels his mouth twitch into a scowl. He's pathetic. He has allowed himself to venture in too deep. He has allowed himself to be too close to another human being. Human _beings_.

He splashes cold water on his face and washes the taste of vomit out of his mouth. He feels disgusting.

Levi grunts and turns back into the bathroom, ready to clean mercilessly for the rest of the night.

He starts with the floor, grabbing a mob and pushing water around the floor. He does this for an hour; his thoughts blissfully quiet as he concentrates on the job of scrubbing the germs away.

When he finishes his chest tightens and he doesn't know why. He ignores the sudden tightness and spills bleach across the counters, his fingers tightening against a rag. His hands begin to scrub the stains that are not there. His fingers tighten on the dish towel, trying not to think.

The scent of bleach his strong and he feels a headache coming on, but he continues, thinking about not thinking.

He sees their bodies again and his hands shake. He tries to scrub imaginary blood off the counter but when he looks down a second time, he sees it on his hands. Levi frowns and wipes his palms against his apron, but it doesn't come off. His hands are all red and sticky and _disgusting. _Why won't it come off?

His eyes twitch and he reaches for the bleach. He pours it on his hands. Is this some type of nightmare? He wants to wake up. He wants to wake up.

He wants to wake up _now._

His hands burn. The corporal shoves them under scowling hot water, gnashing his teeth together when it burns. He uses the rag to try to get the blood off, but it doesn't work. His hands remain red and sticky and _disgusting. _He sees their bodies again; he sees their bodies and hundreds more.

He continues to scrub his hands under the water. He looks around, trying to make out shapes in the darkness.

"Levi stop!" Petra says, but her mouth does not move.

Levi slides to the floor.

"Levi!" Petra says, but she's not there anymore.

"Oh God." Someone says, but Levi can't see who. They kneel beside him and pick up his bloody hands. They feel terribly hot in the other person's cold ones. "Levi, what did you do to your hands? They're all red."

Levi takes his hands out of her grip and looks down at them. They're red and blotchy. Some of his skin is peeling, but at least they're not bloody anymore. "Go away."

"No."

He looks up to stare angrily at Hanji, her face annoyingly concerned. She kneels down next to him and takes his hands again, this time not letting go. Hanji feels her own hands begin to shake when she sees Levi in this shape, but she makes herself strong. For him, at least.

She'll never tell him how seeing him this way makes her so frazzled and afraid. He doesn't need any more pressure in his life.

"Get the hell off of me, Zoe." The Corporal growls, pushing her hands away from him. "I'm fine dammit."

"Shut up." Hanji pushes him back. "You don't have to act like this all the time. Let me help you."

"What don't you understand about '_I'm Fine'_?" He tries to get up but Hanji pushes his shoulders back down. She quickly gets a towel and cleans his hands off and wraps it around his shoulders. Levi stares at her annoyed the whole time, his lips closed around the words, 'I'm fine.'

"You're _not_ fucking fine, you asshole." Hanji says as she cleans up the rest of the bleach. "You're crazier than I am." She throws the wet towel in the trash and turns back to the glaring officer. "Damned hypocrite."

"Pft." Levi turns his head, glaring at the wall. "I finally get you to clean something up and it's the mess _I _made. Figures."

Hanji seats herself next to him and grabs both of his hands. She closes her fingers around his palms and squeezes. "If I would've known you were this crazy, I would've stayed with you more often."

"Yeah yeah." Levi cuts his eyes to the ceiling but doesn't resist when Hanji lowers his head into her lap. "Haven't you heard? The Scouting Legion is full of lunatics."

Hanji smiles despite the truth in the statement. She runs her fingers through his hair, her lips curving more when Levi closes his eyes against her touch. His breathing slows down and he allows himself to relax against her fingers.

"You're safe," She whispers. She traces a finger over his skin, highlighting each feature. "I won't let anything harm you."

If he hadn't been so at peace, he would've told her to shut up.

.

I need your _hands_ on my _skin._ Save me from drowning, save me from drowning.

.

_A.n. Ummmmm_

_I wrote this the night before my first final so this clearly shows what my priorities are. Actually, I started this while trying to write EruHan but I just...couldn't get the emotion I wanted out of those two and I kept picturing LeviHan. So here I am, back where I needed to be in the first place._

_Hope you guys enjoyed this! (Plus I didn't kill anyone in this fic so! A+) Review._


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